#I guess I'll reblog it on Christmas Day instead
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It's so important to me that Minkowski and Eiffel and Hera spend December 25th together to celebrate Eiffel's birthday post-canon. And the hope that they spend that day together is a sentiment shared by Gabriel Urbina.
But Minkowski canonically cares about Christmas itself. Minkowski has people in her life whom she could spend Christmas with. And so there will probably have to be a difficult conversation at some point after the Hephaestus crew return to Earth, when someone says how good it will be to have Renée there for Christmas Day again. And Minkowski will have to look at her husband, or her relatives, or her in-laws - people who loved her and mourned her and celebrated upon her return from the dead - and she'll have to tell them that she won't be there on Christmas Day. And if the person who asks knows her at all, they'll see the look on her face and know that there's no negotiating to be done here.
It's not exactly that she doesn't want to celebrate Christmas with the people she used to celebrate Christmas with. But she can do that on any day near the end of December. Spending December 25th with Eiffel and Hera is something she absolutely cannot compromise on.
The main reason she'd give for this is that December 25th is Eiffel's birthday. Whether or not it matters to him as much as it used to, Minkowski wants Eiffel's birthday to get the recognition it deserves, because it was so important to him and he never expected anyone else to care or remember.
A second reason - one she might never speak aloud - is that she's always thought that Christmas is a time for family, and nowadays that means that spending it with Eiffel and Hera feels right to her.
But I think there's a third, perhaps equally important, reason underneath those two. Maybe she doesn't admit it to herself consciously, but I think part of Minkowski believes that the only people who can really understand the complicated way she now feels about December 25th are the two people who were there with her when everything went to hell on Christmas Day.
It was December 25th when they realised they'd made contact with aliens, and when Hilbert locked Minkowski outside the airlock and tried to incapacitate Eiffel and tore out Hera's personality hardware, and when everything Minkowski had thought she knew about the Hephaestus mission fell apart.
How can she exchange gifts with people for whom it isn't the anniversary of the one of the worst days of their life? How can she gather round a Christmas tree with people who've never feared for their lives at the hands of Alexander Hilbert and Goddard Futuristics? How can she eat turkey and trimmings with people who weren't there when the Christmas dinner was never eaten because there was a murderous mutiny from one of the intended guests? How can she spend December 25th with people for whom it's never been a day of betrayal and fear and loss and uncertainty eight lightyears away from Earth?
Eiffel doesn't remember that awful Christmas and that brings its own kind of pain for Minkowski. But he was there, and so was Hera, and so (no matter what anyone else expects) Minkowski needs to be with them on that complicated day.
#Wolf 359#w359#Renée Minkowski#Renee Minkowski#I wrote this intending to schedule it to post on Christmas Day#but I'm kidding myself if I think I can do delayed gratification like that#I have to post things as soon as I write them#so you're getting it now#Apologies if it's too early in December for Christmas-related posting#I guess I'll reblog it on Christmas Day instead#I nearly fucked up this post by mentioning Christmas traditions that I don't think are celebrated in the US#But luckily I remembered just in time that Christmas crackers are not universal among Christmas-celebrators#I almost mentioned charades but idk if that has Christmas associations in the US or even if it's widely known#I do think Minkowski would absolutely love Charades though#if she played with people on the same wavelength as her that is#Eiffel would be trying to act out very specific scenes from films Minkowski has not seen and she'd get so annoyed lol#wolf 359 spoilers#w359 spoilers#the empty man posteth
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Valentine's Day Challenge/Event
Unfortunately, at Christmas I didn't have the time to make our incest Christmas movie event happen - hopefully happening Christmas 2024! - but there was some discussion about doing something for Valentine's Day instead. I'm not going to call it a contest because I don't want it to be a competition, but it would have the general vibe of a contest, in the sense that people will be encouraged to create and submit. More of a challenge, I guess.
Here's my idea for the event:
Participants will create content [in the medium(s) of their choice] based on a prompt, and then submit it to my blog or send me a link to a rebloggable tumblr post. I'll post the submissions into a specific tag for the event (this tag). (And I'll try to be very timely about this and check my inbox every day.) The plan will be to have all submissions in by February 13th (but I'll still post late submissions, of course), but as I said, there won't be a winner. Submissions can be anonymous, using a nickname, using your username, or whatever you want.
This is what I was thinking for the prompt, which can be for original characters or characters from popular media, as long as it's an incestuous relationship:
Not Together Yet - How the incest pairing of your choice ended up on a date on Valentine's Day. The general idea is that they're not an established couple and this happened accidentally or through a series of unforeseen circumstances. Or it's not supposed to be a date, but by the end of the night it basically was one. Not a date but totally a date.
Established Couple - How the planned romantic date of the incest pairing of your choice ended up going awry and they ended up doing something completely different but still romantic in the end.
(Fantasy/historical settings are welcome to pretend like Valentine's Day exists more or less like it does in the present-day real world, or to create an equivalent holiday. Or to use an anniversary.)
Hopefully those prompts make sense and are sparking ideas already.
Other Guidelines:
Must focus on a pairing of familial/related characters, who either are already together or aren't together yet but eventually will be/will want to be (whether or not that falls within the events of the submission) = shippy content. Stepcest, cousins, etc. all fine - no restrictions on that.
Submissions can take any form that addresses the prompt - plot summary, fic or ficlet, art, mood board or collage, art, graphics/edits, poem, fanvid, playlist, etc. I assume a typical submission will be a description of events based on the prompt, similar to a movie synopsis, and an accompanying image, but it doesn't have to be that.
You can make multiple submissions if you want to.
No NSFW images or anything that is in conflict with Tumblr's rules. Anything questionable, controversial, risky, or potentially offensive will likely not be posted for the sake of the blog.
The entire submission has to be contained within a single tumblr post. But double posting is fine - put it on AO3 or whatever you want.
I can also create the post myself if you provide me with the content, especially if you're having trouble submitting. (And I believe if you use an incognito browser you should be able to submit anonymously.)
I wanted to have my own submission ready when I posted this, but it's not quite there yet.
What do you guys think? I'll make a second promotional post in a few days that is less long-winded and will be better for reblogging. I imagine this will be a small event, but it will be fun to have even a few to browse through.
I'm definitely interested in suggestions for something low-key that doesn't involve a lot of moderation/facilitation for the future. (And if anyone wants to take on something more ambitious, or a fic-a-thon, I would be happy to step aside and support and promote it.)
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3rd or 4th week in a row where I told myself: "today I'll play the game (and update before) add mods and take new vp."
I think this Sunday it won't happen either. As it started with I got up way too late, got distracted by trying to catch up on what I've missed yesterday and now it's already 13:30.
Guess I have to accept that currently I'm just not in the mood nor hyped to boot up the game at all (even tho I miss my boys hard).
Besides that I see my other projects:
still a bunch of unpublished vp
unfinished fic parts
rp for main story where I have to answer since months …
mood boards
spotify playlists (almost done)
a lot of drafted posts are still waiting to get ready with descriptions and tags to push the button
asks I gotta answer (currently no vigor)
are still construction sites and I feel more doing this instead than just producing another ton of screenshots to add to the construction site.
Gonna have a short next week:
Mon-Wed: work
Thursday: day off, also my birthday (yay, ugh)
Friday: day off: potential try to update and add new mods?
then is weekend with Christmas: hopefully only away on 24th
1st and 2nd Christmas day: hopefully I do nothing and just stay home (possibility to play the game and take vp)
Then another week of work (should be calm tho)
then is New Years eve already where I intend to visit a friend
So if you don't see me that active, you know why.
I will try and make some drafts ready to be sceduled and peak in from time to time but I'm a bit more inactive. So if you think I don't like your content anymore, it's just because I can't catch up with 99+ posts each day on my dash and have to decide if I wanna chill scrolling tblr all day or be productive and get my own shit finished instead of adding only more to the pile. It's that simple. One day the posts will pop up again on my dash and I will reblog them then.
Also if you want me to see something: a. feel free to tag me (tblr likes to not notify me tho) b. feel also free to send me a direct link. c. feel free to contact me on my discord
Some blogs I follow i have notifications turned on so my phone tells me the blog owner posted but it's just my closer friends and mutuals.
#thoughts#I also blame winter depression#seeing all day grey in grey no green no flowers no blue sky#its just weighing heavy onto my mood#can't wait for the year to be over srsly#then only pushing through depressive jan and feb and march will be the light at the end of the tunnel yup
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Thankyou for posting about nameless consistently and keeping the fandom alive!!! <3
Why thank you so very much!!!! ^^ Someone's gotta do it!!! And I sure don't mind stepping up to be the one to carry the fandom on my shoulders!! ^^
But thank you for liking, reblogging, commenting, etc!!!!! It wouldn't be the same without you - it'd just be an archive of Nameless stuff without any interaction :D
I've made posts before about autism headcanons for the characters and paired them with Spotify playlists I've made for them. I've made playlists for both Soi and Shinbi, but I don't really have many headcanons for them.
I hope that when I make these playlists, people might be listening to them..... Hm.
Idk if I'd make any playlists for the other characters tho. Doubt I could make any for Zion or Hobin, n I guess I could make one for Yujin, but I imagine there'd be a very limited amount of songs I could choose for him
I hope people enjoy my fics too!!! :0 I'm especially proud of my wip Secret Ending Three.. I should write more of it today!! That, or I just cave and try making a playlist for Yujin. Idk!
It would've been nice to do something for Cheritz's anniversary in February - I was planning on getting a Nameless (the character) tattoo, but was depressed at the time, and cuz of how much energy getting a tattoo takes out of you anyway, I decided to leave it. I may instead get that tattoo on my birthday, in September then.
Nameless my favourite thing ever - I hope I can get some official merch one day - I'll probably get it for Christmas :3 after that, I might want to start saving for Crobi Dolls. That'll take me years, but it'll be a life long hobby, so it doesn't matter
Maybe you might like to make Nameless content too!! :3 I encourage it, all the help is appreciated ^^ on the Discord, I regularly (ish!!!!!) stream the game n I always love when ppl watch the stream, even if they don't say anything. I try to do it on Fridays, but it's mostly just whenever I feel like it - after I finish Nameless, I'm gonna stream Dandelion too!!
Hell, maybe I should just do it on Twitch or something if I wanna make it a proper regular thing?? No idea. I just like Nameless and Cheritz a lot
I'd really love if I could meet other Cheritz fans (who Aren't just fans of MM or Ssum) irl.... Ik that someone in the Nameless fandom actually had their own stall at a London con, so ik that a Nameless fan out there is actually in the UK!!! But London, at a con.... Idk if I'd go there to see em
Do you love how my posts turn into rambles about just about anything? I think it'd kinda cool tbh, what do you think?
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Hi, before I explain my post, I want to say something important.
• What you see my blog has become a major overhaul. And despite the changes, I decided that my 2nd account will be now my artwork blog with a secret twist.
⚠️NEW RULE! (W/ BIGGER TEXT!)⚠️
⚠️ SO PLEASE DO NOT SHARE MY 2nd ACCOUNT TO EVERYONE! THIS SECRECY BLOG OF MINE IS FOR CLOSES FRIENDS ONLY!⚠️
• AND FOR MY CLOSES FRIENDS, DON’T REBLOG IT. INSTEAD, JUST COPY MY LINK AND PASTE IT ON YOUR TUMBLR POST! JUST BE SURE THE IMAGE WILL BE REMOVED AND THE ONLY LEFT WAS THE TEXT.
⚠️ SHARING LINKS, LIKE POSTS, REBLOG POSTS, STEALING MY SNAPSHOT PHOTOS/RECORDED VIDEOS/ARTWORKS (a.k.a. ART THIEVES) OR PLAGIARIZING FROM UNKNOWN TUMBLR STRANGERS WILL IMMEDIATELY BE BLOCKED, RIGHT AWAY!⚠️
😡 WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT EVER LIKED & REBLOG MY SECRET POST! THIS IS FOR MY SECRET FRIENDS ONLY, NOT YOU! 😡
Okay? Capiche? Make sense? Good, now back to the post…↓
No #OnThisDay throwback post, only exclusive for super secret blog(s). But, I have this.
Title: Aace's Music Love
Hello, February. Aace Speedster 🐺🐶⭐ asked me to draw a comic based on his relationship story with May 🐰👊💥, a friend of the Speedsters Family. So, why not! 🙂 After all, "Valentine's Day" is coming up within few days. 💘💌 So, let Aace do the talking. The floor is yours. 😊
Aace 🐺🐶⭐: A thank yew (you), cweator (creator). 😊 And Paw-llo, everyone! 😄 I'm hewe (here) to show ya my welationship (relationship) story with May 🐰👊💥. So, hewe we goes! 😄
IMPORTANT NOTE: Despite how lazy person I am 😩🥱, I decided to make something different for the coloring. And that's inspiring a Game Boy color style. 🎮🖌️🙂
○○○○○○○📘Here's his story 📖○○○○○○○
Comic 1 & 2:
Aace 🐺🐶⭐: It was snowy day, and I saw May dwinking (drinking) her nice cup of cocoa, so I hide myself fwom (from) the bushes with my guitaw (guitar) gifted from her 😳🎸. I was vewy newvious (very nervous) and blush, so I decided to take a bweath (breath) for a moment, while I was wemembewing (remembering) some few music lessons via videyow tutowial (video tutorial).
Comic 3 to 5:
Aace 🐺🐶⭐: Aftew (after) my bweak (break) fwom the bushes, I wrise (rise) up & I begin to pway (play) my guitaw with a simple swipe; May heaws (hears) my music stwings (strings).
Comic 6 & 7:
Aace 🐺🐶⭐: May tuwn (turn) around her head, and she saw me waving, and then I intwoduced (introduced) to myself. May appweciates (appreciates) me holding a guitar that she gifted me from Chwistmas (Christmas).🎁🎸😄 With that, I must commenced my own musical note to impwess (impress) her. 😁 Even though, I'm not a fan of music, I'm only gewd (good) at auto mechanics and scientific stuff fwom my pawents (from my parents). 🤔
BTW: Me 🇵🇭: I uh... I draw a different version of his guitar compare to A-Pal's version, but let's pretend to be the same.
Comic 8 & 9:
Aace 🐺🐶⭐: I cwear (clear) up my thwoat (throat), tuning my guitaw befowe (guitar before) I sing my song while pwaying (playing) my guitaw as I can! 🎶🎸 I didn't see May's weactions (reactions) 😖, though. But, I pwedict (predict) that she's not impwessed my new talent. I guess?
Comic 10 & 11:
Aace 🐺🐶⭐: Suddenly, my guitaw stwings (guitar strings) snaps entiwely (entirely), unable to play it. 😨 Yeah, I was vewy shocked because I'm not built to song or pwaying musical instwuments (instruments). I told ya... 🙁
Comic 12 & 13:
Aace 🐺🐶⭐: On the pwus (plus) side, I was vewy good spiwit (spirit) from my inexpewience (inexperience) music, and May gave me a decent thumbs up fow (for) my effowt (effort). 😊👍 She offwered (offered) me a nice cup of cocoa fwom a hot cocoa stand, and then we chat to talk about related things, ouw pewsonality (our personality), and mowe (more) while looking at the beautiful scape on wintew (winter) season. 😋☕🍫
Aace 🐺🐶⭐: Looks like, I'll be sticking with my pewsonal (personal) skills rather than pwaying music, so I'm not gonna thwow (throw) my gift from her. I'll dispway it in my bedwoom as a wemembwance (remembrance).😉🎸 So yeah, that's the end of my stowy (story). Thanks fow listening! 🙂
And that's all for now, I'll be making more Aace 🐺🐶⭐X May 🐰👊💥 relationships, this Feb! 🙂💘💌
Aace Speedster (Chowder OC) - created by ME! May (Rabbit OC) - owned by @bryan360
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I'm Not Late It's Still January 1st Shut, Shut Up
Can we just like imagine that today is not 4 days after New Years and that it is instead still New Years and I did not once again spend nearly a week procrastinating writing 5 sentences about random words that pop up in my brain okay?
I don't normally make any kind of new years resolutions or anything like that because I am incapable of holding myself accountable for any kind of long-term goal, but I am at least glad that there are no more upcoming holidays and that I can go back to normal levels of mentally ill instead of christmas levels of mentally ill. I do have some goals tho, but I wouldn't really consider them "new year's resolutions", moreso just long-term goals that I've had for a while that I'm somewhat closer to reaching this year than I ever have been in the past. My first priority is absolutely moving out of my father's house, I hate living in this hell-hole and I have for a long time, originally my goal was to be out by the end of March of this year, but I started searching for apartments to move out to around September, and failed to take into account the fact that the time right before Christmas is probably the worst time to be looking for available apartments, and that I always get cripplingly depressed around the holidays which makes it kinda hard to motivate myself to do anything actually productive (no clue how I didn't foresee the 2nd one, that happens every year). So yeah I pretty much had to put that on hold for a while so that end of March goal definitely isn't happening now, so instead now I think I'm just gonna go for an "as soon as realistically possible" deadline lol. I'd also like to start hrt, that's definitely not realistically happening this year though, I'd have to be out on my own before I even start looking into that, and from what I've heard the process of going through doctors to actually get on hrt is a nightmare and can take forever, so almost definitely not a this year goal, but still a goal. I'd also like to get back to doing art of any kind, there's not really anything stopping me, just myself, but like, maybe I'll feel like opening up Clip Studio or Blender, or buying more painting supplies again sometime this year.
I guess I also would like to use this blog more often, I'm not gonna like force myself to write like everyday or anything, I feel like if I did that after a while it would just create more issues, but venting every once in a while is actually pretty good and helpful and I don't do that enough. I'm really bad about just not opening up at all to anyone around me, so having a space where I'm pretty much just be talking to myself that's also relatively disconnected from a majority of the rest of my life is pretty therapeutic. Nowhere else can I write 5 paragraphs about idk the sex appeal of Metal Sonic's hands or something, and not be yelled at for being weird (and if I do get yelled at for being weird GIANT DEATH LASER KILL). Also I need to actually post more things instead of just making 50 drafts each month and not having the confidence/motivation to actually finish or post most of them. Need to make my posts more unhinged too, need more Terriermon-button-core posts, I truly am at my peak 5 minutes after waking up, and after 30 hours of no sleep. I should probably also try to be less self-conscious about reblogging stuff, I have literally no reason to be and should do it more.
Extra special bonus goal: IF I DON'T FINISH EVERY SINGLE FUCKING VISUAL NOVEL THAT I'VE STARTED READING IN THE LAST 2 MONTHS BY THE END OF THE YEAR I'M GONNA yoshi I STARTED TOO MANY HELP
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To Capture a Moment (M. Barzal)
Author's Note: This was a prompt from the ever amazing @thatflyersfan, so thank you for this! The prompt was "taking polaroid photos", and I'm a sucker for childhood friends to lovers, so this is the product! I hope you enjoy it, and please let me know what you thought either in an ask or in the tags. Enjoy!
Author's Note 2: If you reblog this, I'll send you an ask thank you and mention you in an appreciation post (if I do this!)
Warnings: Mentions of sex, one or two slightly NSFW scenes (but VERY mild), a mention of a breeding kink (literally mentioned in one sentence), marriage, pregnancy, Santa, but the rest is just fluff!
Word Count: 9.3k
Enjoy reading!
If anyone were to walk down the hall of your and Mathew’s hallway of your new home, they would see it lined with polaroid pictures. These polaroid pictures show the relationship between you and Mathew from the young age of five to now sharing your new home, married, and with two children. A hallway that was the epitome of a picture is worth a thousand words.
Age 5
“Mathew, please, just stand next to your sister, please,” Mathew’s mother requests. Her tone was close to begging. Your parents had to deal with a family emergency, so they sent you to the Barzal’s to be babysat. Mathew’s mother decided to take Liana, Mathew, and you to Lafarge Park.
Currently, you are sitting on a bench giggling as you watch Mathew sigh as he gets up from where he was sitting next to you. He groaned as he got up and stood next to his sister. He wraps his arm around her but doesn’t smile. At the touch, Liana screams and begins to cry. It was close to her nap time, and the smallest things were making her fussy. Mathew’s mother sighs and goes to pick up her daughter to try to comfort her. Mathew grins widely and sits back down next to you.
“I don’t like taking photos,” Mathew says bluntly. You look at him but are squinting as the sun is in your eyes.
“You like taking photos in your hockey gear,” you point out.
“Yeah, but I don’t like taking photos,” Mathew emphasizes the word photos as if that were enough explanation. It wasn’t. “You know what I mean?”
“No.”
Mathew gives you a curious look, and you want to point out his hair is getting long, but his mother calls Mathew back over to take the photo.
“But I don’t want to,” Mathew whines.
“Mathew,” she says in a mother’s knowing tone, and Mathew gets up exasperatedly. He stands next to his sister. He opts not to put his arm around her this time and looks at you before the picture is taken. You smile widely at him and wave. Mathew wears a giant grin on his face in response. His mother notices Mathew’s wide smile; she smiles when she realizes you are the reason for Mathew’s smile. She takes the photo quickly knowing that Mathew’s smile is short-lived.
“Yn, come take a photo with Mathew,” she calls to you. You skip over to Mathew. Surprisingly, Mathew doesn’t complain about taking another photo. Then again, though, Mathew never complained about anything when it came to you.
“Mom, can we do the fancy camera? The one that prints out right away?” Mathew asks.
“Sure, sweetheart,” Mathew’s mother says and pulls the polaroid camera out of her purse. Mathew insisted she bring it today, and she guesses this was why. “Smile,” she directs and snaps the photo. Once the photo is printed, she places it in her wallet.
“I’m going to hang it on my wall,” Mathew tells you after the photo is taken and that he did. After he got home later that day from dropping you off at home, Mathew begged his mother for the photo. He tapped it on his wall next to his hockey posters because to him, you were just as important. As Mathew moved around for hockey, that photo always followed him around with a few others. It sat in his wallet, and when he felt homesick, he’d look at it with a wide smile. Now, it sits amongst the many polaroid pictures on your wall.
Age 6
Whenever you and Mathew were together, Mathew’s mother always brought the polaroid camera with her. Mathew always loved taking those kinds of photos with you. In the past year, you and Mathew have taken countless polaroid pictures that lined both your walls and his.
Today, you were sitting in a local hockey arena watching Mathew play. Well, you were watching the empty ice getting ready for warmups. You were wearing one of Mathew’s sweatshirts as you shivered in the cold of the arena. You were clutching the mug of hot chocolate Mathew’s mother gave you in hopes of warming up. When Mathew got on the ice for warmups, you smiled widely. Even at such a young age, seeing Mathew would bring a smile to your face and make you all warm and fuzzy.
You walked towards the glass to get a better look at your best friend. When he skated by you, you tapped softly on the glass to alert him you were there. When Mathew turns to see you, he gives you a giant smile from beneath his helmet. He takes a few moments to stop and looks at you for a moment. Mathew’s mother takes the polaroid camera out of her bag and quickly snaps a photo of the two of you in this exact position.
That photo remains on the Barzal mantle till this day.
Age 7
The annual Christmas Fair was back in Vancouver again, and Mathew was super excited to see Santa this year. He figured that his dream of playing in the NHL would come true as long as he asked Santa for it for every year of his life until it happened.
You were both standing in line waiting to go inside the Fair. Despite being bundled up in your warmest sweater, jacket, gloves, and hat, you were still cold. One would think that after spending copious amounts of time in a hockey arena watching Mathew play, you would be used to the cold, but you weren’t.
“Are you cold, Yn?” Mathew asks concerned. He can see you shivering but trying to hide it.
“Just a little,” you lie.
“Oh, here,” Mathew says and walks over to you. He wraps his arms around you in a giant hug to keep you warm. You feel your cheeks warm at the touch, but you, at the age of seven, think it’s just you already warming up. You rest your head on Mathew and wrap your arms around him. “No, keep them in your pockets, so you can keep warm.”
“What about your hands?” you worry.
“Don’t worry, I play hockey; I’m used to the cold,” he reassures you and flashes you his signature grin. Mathew’s mother wasn’t able to capture a polaroid photo of this event, but your mother was able to pull out her phone to capture the moment. Even at the age of 7, Mathew would do absolutely anything for you.
Eventually, yours and Mathew’s families end up inside the fair and in line to see Santa. Now, a hot chocolate in your belly and a warm meal, you were slowly warming up and didn’t need Mathew to hold you anymore. He was bouncing with excitement as you both got closer and closer to the front of the line.
When it was Mathew’s turn to see Santa, he walked up, and you waited in line for your turn. A sudden gust of wind made a giant shiver rack through your body, and Mathew noticed from where he was sitting on Santa’s lap.
“Is everything alright, son?” he asks.
Mathew looks up at him with worry. “My best friend is cold, and I don’t like it when Yn’s cold. I’d rather be cold instead of Yn.”
“Well, maybe we should finish here quickly, so you can go and make Yn warm. What do you say?”
Mathew nods enthusiastically. “Yeah, I like that.”
“So, what do you want, son?”
Mathew looks into Santa’s blue eyes and is about to ask for an NHL career. He then looks at you and sees you shivering. Mathew’s heart stops and realizes that it doesn’t matter if he got the NHL career if you were cold. You couldn’t be cold because if you were cold then you’d get sick. If you were sick, then who would be Mathew’s best friend? “I want Yn not to be sick.”
“Oh, is that so?”
“Yeah,” Mathew nods. “I can’t have my best friend sick because then who would be my best friend.”
“Well, then, I’ll be sure to grant your wish, son,” Santa says. In all his years of doing this, he’s never heard this one before. “Keep Yn close, okay? Yn seems like a special one.”
Mathew always kept those words close to his heart whether or not he remembered who told them to him.
Age 10
For the past ten years, you and Mathew have taken a photo on yours and his birthdays. It was always you on the right and him on the left. Whoever’s birthday it was would be holding the gift the other got them. It was tradition.
It was your tenth birthday, and the day was coming to a close. All your friends had left, and it was just your family and Mathew’s family who were still there. You were on your third piece of cake, and Mathew was trying to convince you to give him a bite, too. He looked nervous.
“Are you okay, Mathew?” you ask after finishing your final piece and giving Mathew a piece.
“I have a gift for you,” he mumbles.
“Oh!” you thought you opened all your gifts.
“Can I give it to you?”
“Yeah, sure,” you answer. Mathew gets up to grab the gift, and you throw out the plate in the trash.
“This is for you,” he says and passes the bag to you. You gently take the wrapping paper out of the bag; you set it to the side and pull out the box. You gasp when you see it. You smile and jump up to give Mathew a hug. You wrap your arms around him.
“Thank you for the polaroid camera, Mathew,” you whisper as he wraps his arms around you.
“Of course, Yn. It’s time you had your own, so we could take all the photos we want.”
“Come on, let’s go and get my mom to take a photo of us.”
You and Mathew go and find his mother. When you find her, you take the camera out of the box and hand it to her. You and Mathew position yourself against the wall, and he wraps an arm around you. You hold the box in your hand and smile. Mathew, though, isn’t looking at the camera; he’s looking at you with the widest grin on his face. All that mattered in his life was making you smile. If he made you smile, then Mathew always wore the happiest grin on his face.
Age 13 - Stargazing
Your parents had to go out of town to take care of your grandparents, so you were staying with the Barzals for the weekend. You were both currently laying on in his backyard on a blanket staring at the stars. It was your favorite pastime — laying together looking up at the stars.
You were both lying next to each other, shoulder to shoulder. You turned your head and looked at Mathew, but you looked to find him already looking at you. “It’s pretty,” he says.
“It is,” you agree and turn back to the sky. Mathew, though, remained looking at you.
“Do you have your polaroid camera?”
“Yeah, right next to me. Why?”
“Let’s take a photo,” Mathew answers. He sits up and leans over around you to grab the camera. In the process, Mathew’s arm brushes your stomach briefly, and his face grows warm at the touch. Somewhere, between the ages of 12 and 13, Mathew has developed a crush on you. He didn’t tell anyone because why would he? At this age, Mathew would get teased for having a crush on you, so he didn’t tell anyone. Besides, he wasn’t even sure if you liked him, too.
Mathew lies back down next to you and rests his head close to yours. He lifts his arm up and positions it so that the both of you are in frame. You both smile, and Mathew presses down the button.
The photo comes out, and Mathew’s heart warms at the picture reflected.
“Can I have my camera? I want a picture of the stars, too,” you ask. He hands you the camera, and his hand brushes yours briefly. You thought nothing of it, but Mathew’s heart was racing. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome,” Mathew whispers, and you give him a curious look. “What?”
“Nothing, you’re just acting weird.”
“I’m not acting weird; you’re acting weird.”
You laugh. “Whatever. Doesn’t matter.”
Mathew watched you take a photo of the stars in the sky, and he came to one realization: he never wanted to live in a world where you weren’t there.
Age 16
It was Mathew’s 16th birthday, and you were sitting on a garden chair watching him have the time of his life with his friends. As you both started high school, you both found yourself in different friend groups. That wasn’t to say, however, that your friendship wavered. It just meant that you both weren’t next to each other all the time. You were okay with that new realization. You were okay with it because that meant that you could work through your new found feelings for Mathew. You didn’t know when it happened. One day, you were eating lunch with Mathew, your friend, with normal hair and normal eyes and a normal laugh. You were eating lunch with Mathew, your friend, who was normal looking. The next day, though, you were eating lunch with Mathew who had the most beautiful smile, the most beautiful eyes, the softest hair, and was the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen. He was no longer the boy you grew up with. He was Mathew, and you finally understood what all the girls were talking about. It was difficult for you to breathe around him because you wanted him to hold your hand and love you. It went from Mathew being your best friend to you loving Mathew as more than a friend, and it scared you.
You were sitting there smiling when Mathew caught your gaze. He looked you in the eyes and waved. You waved back and warmth filled you. He excused himself from his friends and walked over to where you were sitting.
“You brought the polaroid camera,” he says as he brings a chair next to yours and sits.
“Well, we’ve taken the same photo for the past sixteen years. We might as well continue tradition, right?” you tease.
“Yeah, tradition,” he whispers giving you a look that makes you melt. He leans his head close to yours with a soft smile. “Can I tell you something?”
You nod trying to suppress a shiver.
“Somewhere in the past —”
“Yn, can I borrow your polaroid camera, please?” Liana interrupts as if knowing what Mathew was going to say. You tell her yes, and you see Mathew, out of the corner of your eye, blush and shake his head while also glaring at his sister.
“Um, you were saying?” you ask hoping to rebuild the bubble you both just had.
Mathew looks at you trying to figure out if he wants to continue. “Um, somewhere in the past five or six years or so, I screwed up.”
“Screwed up, how?”
“I fell for you,” Mathew whispers, a blush overcoming his face.
“But, you’re sitting right now,” you say oblivious.
Mathew laughs his laugh, and you melt into a puddle. “I fell in love with you, Yn.”
“Oh. Oh!”
Mathew laughs again with a bashful smile settling on his features. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fall in love with you.”
“Are you still sorry if I were to tell you I fell in love with you, too?”
“I wouldn’t be sorry, then,” Mathew says and leans his head close to yours. He takes one hand and cups your cheek. He rubs soft patterns on your cheek as he begins to tilt his head. “Can I kiss you?”
“Please,” you beg. Mathew places his lips on yours softly as your hands go to his neck and begin to softly playing the hair at its base. It was a kiss full of fireworks. All the noises around you mellowed out. All the emotions you feel for your best friend come out in one kiss as it deepens. You both pull away when a flash from a camera startles you both.
“Sorry, I just had to,” Liana apologizes, handing you back your camera with the photo printing.
“You didn’t have to,” Mathew grumbles angrily.
“It’s okay. Don’t worry,” you tell her, taking back the camera. You look at the photo and smile. Mathew was gently holding your face as he kissed you softly. You both had wide smiles on your faces as you kissed each other. “See, we have a photo of our first kiss.”
Mathew kisses your forehead softly. “Here’s to many more.”
Age 18
“Yn, come outside, please?” Mathew begs with a pout on his face. “I want to take a photo with you.”
“But we’ve been taking photos all day,” you groan. It was reaching 9pm at night, and the joint graduation party for you and Mathew was over. You were both lounging on your bed reminiscing about the future. Mathew was going to have this amazing NHL career, and you were going to college.
“I just want this one,” Mathew says as he gets off the bed. He looks at the many polaroid photos sitting on your wall of both your family, friends, and him. He was in most of them. He picks up your polaroid camera and grins at you. “Please? My parents bought sparklers, and we haven’t used them yet.”
You get up because Mathew could get you to do anything as long as he gave you that grin. “Okay.”
Mathew takes your hand and leads you both downstairs. “Liana, can you take a photo of us?”
“More photos?” she asks. Liana was just as fed up with taking pictures, too. “Yn, how do you put up with him?”
You shrug with a smile. “It’s easy when I love him.”
“I love him, too, but I can’t put up with him,” Liana mumbles following you both out the door. Mathew inquires about the sparklers and is directed to his mother’s car. You and Liana stand out in your backyard. “What kind of photo does he want?”
“I’m not sure, but I know he wants a polaroid photo.”
“He’s obsessed with those,” Liana comments as Mathew walks up to you two. He hands the polaroid camera to Liana and ushers you over to where he wants to stand. He takes two sparklers out of the box and hands one to you.
“I want to kiss you as we hold the sparklers,” Mathew mumbles against your skin. His words sent shivers down your spine.
“Okay,” you whisper as Mathew lights yours and his sparklers. He looks at you with a wide smile and wraps the arm that’s not holding the sparkler around your waist. You wrap your arm that’s not holding the sparkler across his shoulder and lean in for a kiss. “Liana, take the photo when we kiss, please.”
Liana makes a comment about how disgusting the two of you are before saying an “okay.”
Mathew leans in with a smile and kisses you. You kiss him back with a smile just as wide closing the space between you two. You see the flash out of the corner of your eye and pull away slowly to set the sparkler out. When they’re out, Mathew pulls you in for another kiss full of love and passion. He never gets enough of kissing you; if it were up to him, he’d kiss you for every moment of every day.
“The photo’s ready,” Liana interrupts, not wanting to watch her brother kiss anyone even if it were you. You both separate breathlessly and observe the photo. He wraps his arms around you and settles your back against his front. He rests his head against yours and holds you tightly against his chest.
“We look cute, babe,” Mathew whispers into your ear. You look into his eyes and break out into a smile.
“We do look cute,” you agree. You were about to say something else, but the flash of the polaroid camera interrupts your words.
“Sorry,” Liana apologies. “You guys just looked really cute.”
Mathew kisses your cheek, and his heart bursts with love. He loved you so much that there were no words. From where they were sitting on the back porch, your parents and Mathew’s parents were looking on with love. You and Mathew were perfect for each other, and they knew that your relationship would stand the test of time.
Age 21
You were in New York for the first time during the hockey season. In past times you’ve been in New York, it was either before the season or after the season. This was the first time that your school schedule lined up perfectly with a chance to go see Mathew play on Long Island. You met the WAGs for the first time tonight, and you instantly loved them and them the same. You were currently standing next to Sydney, who took you under her wing, at the glass as warmups just began. You had your new polaroid camera and ready to snap one of Mathew.
“Do you and Mathew have a strong connection to a polaroid camera?” Sydney asks.
You nod with a smile. “Yeah. For as long as I can remember, we’ve always taken photos with a polaroid camera. We have millions of photos together.”
“Yeah, I’ve seen them. Mathew displays them proudly across his apartment. He loves them, but he loves you more,” Sydney teases.
You don’t reply except for smiling bashfully and shaking your head playfully. You were about to say something when Mathew interrupted you by bumping into the boards in front of you. He looks at you, and his heart grows a million sizes seeing you wearing his jersey. You smile when you see him and wave. He begins to show off in front of you with his stick handling. You shake your head playfully at his actions, but you use the opportunity to snap a photo of Mathew. It’s of him concentrating on the puck. You tuck it into your purse to observe later on.
“Did you want me to take one of the two of you?” Grace asks, who was on the other side of you and has also taken you under her wing.
“Would you? That’d be great.”
“Of course,” she says and takes the camera from you.
“Can Grace take a photo of us?” you ask Mathew. You were suddenly nervous that he was going to be embarrassed of your tradition.
“That would be amazing,” he tells you genuinely. He leans against the glass on his side, and you do the same on your side, smiling at Grace. Once the photo is taken, you, once again, put it in your purse to look at later. Mathew waves before rejoining the rest of his team.
“You guys are cute,” Sydney comments with a smile.
“Oh, to be young and in love,” Grace comments and both girls laugh. You put the camera in your purse, and you smile as the heat rushes to your face. Indeed, to be young and in love.
Later that night, you and Mathew were sitting on his couch when you pulled out the polaroids from the day. Mathew looks at the polaroid that you took of him without him knowing and blushes. You notice it and kiss his cheek.
“You look good, babe,” you tease.
“Yeah, but this one is better,” he says pointing to the photo Grace took of you. His hold on you tightens as he rests his head on the crook between your shoulder and neck. “Wanna know why?”
“Why?” you giggle as Mathew’s breath tickles you.
“Because you’re in it,” Mathew flirts.
“Shut up,” you say bashfully as the warmth reaches your face.
“It’s true,” he whispers. “I’m not ready for you to go back to school. I want you here forever.”
“Don’t worry,” you reassure. “After I graduate, I’m going to get a job here in New York, and we’ll be here forever together. Don’t worry; you can’t get rid of me that easy.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Mathew says and places a kiss on your cheek.
Age 22
Mathew is sitting next to your father with a bouquet of flowers and your polaroid camera on his lap. Mathew’s leg is bouncing as he anxiously waits for your name to be called. It was finally your graduation day. You’ve been working hard for the past four years, and it was finally paying off. Mathew was so proud of you, and he was so happy that he got to be here at his super smart, super beautiful girlfriend’s graduation day.
A name a few before yours was called, and Mathew and your family perked their attention to be ready when you were called. In moments, your name was called, and you were walking across the stage. Mathew and your family all stood up to cheer for you. Mathew put the flowers down on his chair and put the camera up to take a photo. He snapped one exactly as you were handed your diploma. He put the photo in his wallet with the same one from when you were five.
As you were walking across the stage, you caught Mathew’s eyes, and he winked at you. You smiled bashfully, and as you sat, you felt the warmth on your face. The rest of the celebration went by quickly as you all threw your caps in the air and cheered. You were done! You finished! You were officially a college graduate! You said tearful goodbyes and congratulations to your friends before making your way to your family and Mathew.
Mathew stood to the side as your grandparents, parents, and siblings embraced you and congratulated you. He could see the impatience in your eyes as you greeted each and everyone of them, wanting to greet Mathew. As you hugged your grandparents after your parents, your mother walked over to Mathew.
“Hand me the polaroid camera. I’ll take a few as she comes over to you,” your mother says, and Mathew hands her the camera.
Finally, finally, it was Mathew’s turn to see you. “Congratulations,” he says to you softly.
“Thank you,” you whisper.
“These are for you,” Mathew says and hands you the flowers. You both vaguely notice the flash of the camera as your mother took a photo of Mathew handing you the flowers. You take the flowers and smile behind them embarrassed. One of your siblings takes the flowers from you, so you can properly embrace Mathew. He wraps you in a giant hug and kisses your forehead. “I’m so proud of you.”
“Thanks, baby.”
“I can’t believe that my girlfriend is a college graduate,” Mathew comments as you pull away to look at him. He leans his head down and kisses you softly. You reach your hands to wrap around his shoulders and pull him closer to you. You both deepen the kiss but not too much as your father was right there watching you two. As you and Mathew kiss, you both, once again, vaguely recall a flash of the polaroid camera. It didn’t matter. When you both were together, especially kissing, the entire world faded away. Finally, you both pull away with breathless smiles.
A few weeks later, you were both back home in Coquitlam, and it was nearing the end of your graduation party. Mathew was sitting on the back deck with his parents, Liana and your dad as the night winded down. In your hand, you held the two photos your mother took and wanted to show Mathew.
“Mind if I steal him for a moment?” you ask resting your hand on Mathew’s shoulder.
“Please, he keeps talking about you, and it’s making me sick,” Liana says. Everyone laughs in response, and you take Mathew’s hand and lead him away from the group.
“What’s up?” he asks.
“I want to show you the photos from graduation,” you tell him. “The polaroids.”
You and Mathew find a spot in the backyard and sit. Mathew sits first and opens his legs for you to sit in between. You rest with your back against his chest, and his arms reach around your waist to hold you tightly. He kisses the side of your cheek as you show him the photos.
“Here’s the first one,” you say and show him one. It’s the photo of Mathew handing you the bouquet of flowers. Smiles are adorned on both your faces, and Mathew’s eyes are laced with nothing but love for you. “We look good.”
“You always say that,” Mathew teases.
“Doesn’t mean it’s not true,” you reply looking at your boyfriend of many, many years.
He kisses your temple. “What’s the next one?”
You flip to the next photo and show it to him.
“Now this one, this one, we look good,” Mathew says, giving you a raised eyebrow. It was a photo of Mathew giving you your congratulatory kiss.
“We do look good,” you comment with a smile.
Mathew was contemplating on whether or not to tell you about the photo he took of you while you walked across the stage. He opted against it wanting to keep the photo to himself for the moment. “This is our thing, isn’t it?”
“What do you mean ‘our thing’?” you ponder.
“You know, all couples have their thing. This is our thing, taking polaroid photos,” Mathew explains.
“I guess it is,” you hum. “It’s not a bad ‘thing’ to have.”
“It really isn’t,” Mathew says and kisses you. He will be forever indebted to his mother for starting this tradition that the two of you have.
Age 24
On your first night after moving to New York, Anthony and Mathew insisted on taking you out to celebrate. You were tired, though, from unpacking and settling in all day, so you told them you didn’t want to do anything crazy. Why was Anthony tagging along? You didn’t know. He was there to help unpack, and he said you three should celebrate, so here you were.
You let Anthony and Mathew pick what they wanted to do as you showered and unpacked your stuff in the washroom. You walked out freshly showered to Mathew and Anthony having wide smiles on their faces.
“What if we took you to Times Square?” Mathew says. He walks over to you and wraps you in a giant hug. You hum in response, but Mathew isn’t sure if it's from the hug or agreeing with going to Times Square. You wrap your arms around him and breathe in his scent. You missed his scent before you moved in with him. You spent a few years back home with a job before you moved to New York. You wanted to be on your own for a bit before making the trek across the continent.
Anthony clears his throat to signal that you and Mathew weren’t the only two in the room. You both pull away, and Mathew’s face is crimson red as he meets his friend’s eyes. “So, Times Square, yes or no?”
“Sure, but not too late because I’m tired,” you reply. Getting to Manhattan from Mathew’s, no your apartment, Long Island apartment was long. You told them the train would be easier, but Mathew and Anthony would rather drive, so driving it was. The entire night was a blur. You were tired and exhausted, and the ecstasy you felt from being in the City with your boyfriend, finally, was too much to handle. You were over the moon overjoyed.
The three of you stopped for a moment in the main square of Times Square, and you looked around in awe. Mathew was watching you with nothing but love in his eyes as you took in the sight. He spent every night over the past few years wishing and dreaming of the nights and days he’d get to have you by his side. Anthony, on the other hand, was rolling his eyes at his best friend’s love sick nature.
“Did you bring your polaroid camera?” Mathew whispers into your ear.
“Yes, why?” you ask with a smile on your face that makes Mathew melt into a puddle.
“Let’s get Beau to take a photo for us.”
You watch as Mathew asks Anthony to take a photo of the two of you; you giggle quietly as Anthony rolls his eyes but says yes. Mathew walks over to you and wraps his arms around you. Anthony holds the camera up as you and Mathew smile for him. However, instead of looking at the camera, Mathew is looking down at you as you smile at the camera. He’s looking at you, the love of his life and the light of his life. Anthony snaps the photo but rolls his eyes at the lovesickness of his best friend. The photo prints, and you throw it into your purse to look at later. You continue to explore the awakeness of the Big Apple with your hand in Mathew’s. You fell in love with the city, and you were excited to be living in the lively state of New York.
Later that night, you’re getting ready for bed and standing at your dresser in the bedroom. You set your purse on it and take the polaroid camera out. Next, you take the photo out of your wallet and look at it. You smile at you and Mathew in the photo. As you’re looking, Mathew walks out of the washroom with his sweats hanging low on his hips without a shirt on and wraps his arms around you. He holds you close against his bare chest and rests his head on your shoulder breathing in your comforting and familiar scent.
“What’re you looking at?” he asks in a low husky voice that sends chills down your spine.
“The photo from tonight,” you say in a low voice as Mathew pulls you closer into his body. “You didn’t even look at the camera.”
“It’s a waste of time to stare at a camera when the best part of my life is right there,” Mathew flirts. He kisses your neck in between words pulling a soft whimper from you.
“You’re such a flirt,” you teasingly scoff. You rest the photo on the dresser and turn around, so you’re facing Mathew. You rest your arms on his shoulders and feel the expanse of the muscles there. You watch as Mathew’s eyes begin to darken and fill with need and desire.
“How else am I supposed to keep my girl satisfied?” he smirks.
“I can think of a few ways,” you tell him confidently before closing the space and placing a kiss on his lips. Mathew instantly picks you up, and you yelp slightly at the sudden touch. He carries you to the bed and places you down slowly. In between kisses, you tell him, “I love you.”
“I love you, too. More than anyone or anything in the world,” he replies. One day, he knew that he’d be getting Anthony to take a photo of the two of you with an engagement ring on your left hand.
Age 25
Engagement Party
Four months after you moved to New York, Mathew proposed to you. He got down on one knee during a date-night at home. You knew something was up when Mathew was nervous the entire night. You, obviously, said yes to forever with your best friend and the love of your life.
Now eight months later, Mathew’s family was throwing you both a small engagement party to celebrate the engagement about a month before your wedding. It was just both of your immediate families and close friends. You didn’t invite many people knowing the majority of the important people in your life would be flying to Vancouver for the wedding in about a month.
You were wearing a white sundress that made you feel like the bride that all movies and books describe. You were surrounded by your family, but most importantly, you were celebrating getting married to your best friend and love of your life.
It was getting late, and you were sitting on Mathew’s lap. You were resting your head on his shoulder with your arms wrapped around his neck and his arms wrapped around yours. The steady breathing from him and his warmth led to you falling asleep. He was tracing small patterns on your hip as he continued to talk to the small group of people around you. At some point, you heard Mathew tell someone to grab his sweater, and he threw it over your shoulders. You were so tired and didn’t tell him you were cold, but he just knew.
You didn’t know when you fell asleep, but you just did. No one noticed you were asleep until someone asked you a question, and you didn’t respond. Mathew looked down at you and noticed that you were sleeping. You looked adorable and comfortable in his arms. Mathew’s heartbeat quickened as he realized that he got to spend the rest of his life with the person in his arms. He got to spend the rest of his life with the person in his arms who looked so at rest, so beautiful, and so happy.
Liana quietly gets up to grab your polaroid camera from your purse. She knew that you’d want to have this documented.
“Get used to this, Mathew,” your dad began. “Yn will be falling asleep in your arms like this forever.”
Mathew smiled at your father’s words and rested his head against yours. He’d be more than okay with that. Liana didn’t tell Mathew he was going to take a photo. She knew that you’d far rather that the photo was candid and not scripted. Liana approached the group quietly and snapped a photo. Mathew was too absorbed in holding you that he didn’t notice. Liana left the photo on your nightstand where you found it the next morning. You smiled at the photo when you saw it knowing you weren’t making a mistake with who you wanted to spend the rest of your life with.
Wedding Day
You woke up the night after your wedding day curled into Mathew’s bare chest. You opened your eyes and a wide smile erupted across your face. You ran your fingers along Mathew’s stomach, and your breath hitched in your throat when you caught sight of your wedding band on your left finger.
“Morning, baby,” Mathew says in his morning voice that still makes your heart flutter. He runs his left hand across your back, and his wedding band sends chills down your spine.
“Did you know that we got married last night?” you ask sweetly.
He gives you a low chuckle. “Yes, I do know that.”
You giggle. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
You both lay in bed for a while in silence before Mathew says anything again. “Liana gave me the photos she took on the polaroid last night.”
“Oh,” you say as you sit up. You and Mathew put Liana in charge of taking a few polaroid photos of the two of you knowing she’d be the best one to do so. Mathew also roped in Anthony, but you both had more faith in Liana.
You sit up against the headboard as Mathew gets up and grabs the envelope that Liana gave him before you both left the previous night. Mathew pulls you against him as he rests against the headboard, too, and hands you the photos. You look in the envelope and notice six photos.
You pull out one and smile at it. It was your first dance with Mathew. Liana took the photo perfectly just as the song was coming to a close and Mathew was twirling you with your dress splaying out around you. Mathew had nothing but love in his for his new wife and a giant smile on his;he had tunnel vision when he looked at you. The entire world faded away except for you. You remember Mathew placing a kiss on you just as you reentered his embrace. Your heart was beating through your chest as Mathew and you continued to dance to the remainder of the song.
“We look good,” you tell him, showing him the photo. Mathew grabs the photo from your hand and is careful to only hold the corners. You’ve been on his case many, many times about not smudging the photo.
“You look good, babe,” Mathew corrects. “You always will look better than me.”
You smile bashfully at your husband’s words and smile into his chest. He tightens his grip around you before grabbing the envelope, placing the photo in it, and grabbing another. He smiles at the photo of him and his mother dancing together. “Look, it’s your mother-in-law,” he comments.
You look at the photo and smile. “Indeed it is.”
“Is it weird that she’s officially your mother-in-law?”
“Not really. I mean, it’s different, but not weird. Your mom has always been in my life, so it’s not like I don’t know her. Is it weird that my parents are your in-laws?”
“Yes, absolutely. The amount of stares that your father has given me? He never scared me when we were growing up, but in the past few years, he has.”
You laugh and place a kiss on his cheek. “Don’t worry. He’s just being protective of his child.”
“It better be just that,” Mathew mumbles. You grab another photo from the envelope and smile at the photo of you and your dad dancing together. Both yours and your father’s eyes had tears in their eyes knowing that this was it. This was what you both knew was coming but weren’t ready for. You were starting a life with Mathew and forming your new family, and your father was losing his child to the man who loves you as much as he does.
You put the photo back in the envelope and grab the next one. It was the photo of the kiss after the officiant said, “you may now kiss your bride.” You and Mathew both had wide smiles on your faces as you leaned in for the first kiss as a married couple. You remember how eager Mathew was to kiss you and how much he needed to kiss you. Sometimes, it makes you wonder how he goes on long roadtrips without kissing you. Mathew’s hands were sitting on your waist under the edges of your veil with his gold wedding band reflecting the light of the ceremony’s venue. Your arms were wrapped around his shoulders with the light reflecting off your grandmother’s tennis bracelet, your something old, and Mathew’s grandmother’s gold bracelet, your something borrowed. The space between you two was non-existent as you both needed to be as close as possible to kiss. You and Mathew both had a professional photographer at the wedding, but there was something more special about the photo being taken by someone who you loved.
The fifth photo is of you and Mathew giving each other a bite of your wedding cake after biting it. You both opted for a traditional two-tiered cake with white fondant and flowers around the base. Mathew had his left arm on your waist, your veil taken off to preserve it, with his right hand holding a fork close to your mouth. You had your dominant hand resting on his chest with your nondominant hand with a fork in it to feed Mathew a piece of cake. You both were looking in each other’s eyes but midlaugh. You couldn’t remember what he said that made you laugh so hard, but you did.
The six and final photo Liana took was of your send off. To reminisce from your high school graduation party, you and Mathew opted for a sparkler send off. Sure, it was cliche but much of your relationship with Mathew was a cliche. You and Mathew were standing in front of his car as your family and friends held sparklers cheering for you all. Mathew had his hands cupping your face and giving you a kiss with a wide smile on his face. You had your arms in his hair holding him close to you. It was a perfect ending for the day of your dreams with the man of your dreams starting the life of your dreams.
“I can’t wait to see all the professional photos,” you tell him as you put the envelope on the nightstand.
“Who really needs professional photos?”
“I mean, we have all those polaroids from growing up but not many from last night, so we do?”
Mathew looks at you and smiles. “I guess we do.”
The professional photos were exactly what you were hoping for. Each time you looked at them, your heart beat just a tad faster and your stomach did somersaults. Mathew always did have that effect on you.
Honeymoon
After the wedding of your dreams, you and Mathew were off to Paris for a honeymoon of your dreams. Sure, it was very cliche, but, again, everything about yours and Mathew’s relationship was a cliche.
It was halfway through the trip when it dawned on Mathew that you both didn’t have a polaroid photo together. He was shocked to say the least when he realized it. That same day, you and Mathew were heading to the Eiffel Tower, and Mathew figured it was the best opportunity for a photo op, so he threw the camera into your purse and made a mental promise to get a photo of the two of you.
You and Mathew purchased your tickets and took the elevator to the top of the tower. On the descent, you and Mathew got off on the second level to get more pictures opting to take the steps down. You were looking at the Parisian skyline with Mathew holding you against his chest. Your arms were crossed against your chest with Mathew’s arms on top of yours. The metal of his wedding band sending shivers down your spine.
“Can we take a photo?” Mathew mumbles against your ear.
“Yeah,” you whisper back. You aren’t sure why you whispered, but you didn’t want to break the intimate moment.
“I’ll go find someone to take it for us. Polaroid, right?”
You smile softly. “Yeah.”
Mathew asks one of the working attendants to take a photo for you two. You hand the polaroid camera to the attendant. You and Mathew take the same position you were just in; however, now, you were both facing away from the skyline. You smile for the camera, but, as usual, Mathew isn’t looking at the camera but at you.
“Your husband wasn’t looking at the camera, would you like me to retake it?” the attendant asks.
You laugh softly. “No, that’s okay. Thank you.”
The attendant walks away as you look at the photo. “Why don’t you ever look at the camera? We rarely have any photos of us — polaroid or digital — where you look at the camera.”
“I think I’ve said this already, Yn, but there’s no need to look at the camera when all I want to look at is you.”
You smile and shake your head playfully at your husband. “Okay, smooth talker, take a photo of me?”
“Gladly.”
Mathew took way too many pictures of you on his phone, but his words were “it’s important to capture your world in someone else’s eyes” which he did.
Age 27
Three weeks after giving birth to your first son, Isaac, you and Mathew were exhausted to say the least. Being new parents and with the stress of the end of the regular season coming soon, you and Mathew were just plain exhausted.
Mathew was at a hockey game that night. Somehow, despite the exhaustion of being a new father, Mathew was still playing well. He managed to have a four point night; the commentators said something about his new found “father strength.”
The game ended about an hour ago, and Mathew would be home any minute. Finally, finally, Isaac was sleeping and wasn’t crying. You posted a note on the door for Mathew telling him that if he woke Isaac, you were going to a hotel to sleep. Mathew, chuckled to himself, when he read your note. He walked into your apartment, and his heart melted at what he saw. You were sitting on the couch with Isaac sleeping on your chest. You were stroking his back to keep him quiet. Every few moments you’d kiss his head out of love.
You left the polaroid camera on the kitchen counter after taking a few photos of Isaac and your new family. Leaving the camera out allowed for Mathew to take a photo of you without knowing. He puts his stuff down quietly and picks up the camera. He takes it out of the case and snaps a photo. The flash of the camera startles you slightly. When you look over to the flash, you smile when you see your husband. Mathew places the photo facedown on the table and walks over to you. He takes his tie off and rests it on the side of the couch. He sits next to you and kisses your forehead. “Hey,” he whispers.
“Hi,” you whisper back.
“How was Isaac?”
“He was good,” you tell him. “I’m tired. I’m not sure how I’m going to get through the rest of his life.”
“Hey, we’ll be okay, okay? We’ll figure it out, okay?” Mathew reassures.
You nod. “Yeah, we’ll be okay.”
Later that night, you put Isaac down for bed and enter your bedroom. You fell asleep easily that night in Mathew’s arms with a soft smile on your face. Yeah, everything would be okay.
Age 28
Shortly after giving birth to Isaac, both you and Mathew were hit with a really bad case of baby fever. Everytime you or Mathew held Isaac, the next immediate thought you both had was “let’s have another baby.” Every time you saw Mathew doing skin-to-skin contact with Isaac, your heart would flutter with love for your husband, your son, and a strong desire for another baby.
Seven months postpartum, you finally felt comfortable with approaching your husband with the topic of having another baby. Mathew was super excited that you brought it up. At first, trying to conceive was slightly painful. You were both patient with the process knowing it would happen when it would happen. You finally conceived after six months of trying.
Five months later, you felt comfortable announcing it to the world. You bought a whiteboard and wrote a message that said, “Baby Barzal #2 coming soon.” Also, you placed the ultrasound photo on the top corner with a baby jersey with “Barzal 02” on it. You took a photo of it to post both on yours and Mathew’s instagrams. You smiled at the messages you received from your friends, family, the WAGs, and Mathew’s teammates. You both opted not to tell anyone except for immediate family wanting to enjoy the news on your own for the time being.
“Mathew, do you know where the polaroid camera is?” you call out realizing that you had a polaroid of the baby announcement for Isaac but not baby number two.
“On the dresser, probably,” he called from Isaac’s room. You could hear the scrunch in his nose as he changed Isaac’s smelly diaper.
“Thanks, babe,” you call back and walk into your bedroom. You grab the camera and walk back to where you have the pregnancy announcement still sitting on the floor. You snap a photo and smile as you place it on the wall.
With baby #2, your heart was full and excited for what would be coming in the future.
Age 29
“Anthony, please?” you beg.
“Why do you guys always get me to take the photos of the two of you?” Anthony whines.
“Because you’re the best at it!” These words do not convince him further to take a photo of you, Mathew, your daughter, Shannon, and your son, Isaac. “What about, if we have another baby, we name them Anthony”
“What? No,” Mathew yells. “No way. No more kids”
“Just give me the camera,” Anthony sighs. You, who is holding Shannon, and Mathew, who is holding Isaac, walk out to the door of your new house. Shortly after finding out you were pregnant with your second child, you and Mathew began looking for a house to live in, figuring an apartment, no matter the size, was too small for the family you both wanted to build.
Mathew holds Isaac in his right arm and wraps his left arm around your waist. You hold Shannon in your left arm with your right arm wrapped around Mathew and look up at him and smile. He smiles back down at you. Anthony knows, after taking way too many polaroids for you two, when to take the photo — when you both inevitably kiss. As he expected, Mathew leans down and kisses you with a wide smile. Anthony holds up the camera and snaps a photo. You both pull back as Anthony hands the photo and camera to you.
“One of your future kids better have Anthony as their middle name or something. Don’t say you’re not having more because we both know the way Barzy is,” he grumbles as he walks back into your newly finished house.
Mathew goes into Isaac’s bedroom to put him down for a nap as you put Shannon down for a nap and grab the tape to put this new polaroid photo on the wall. You put it up and smile at the rows and rows of photos that line the walls. You stand there looking sentimentally at all the memories.
“Hey, you okay?” Mathew asks and rests an arm around your waist.
“Yeah, just look at all the photos from our lives,” you tell him. You rest your head on his chest as you both your eyes trace over the photos. The photos spanned from many different parts of your lives, both together and separately. On the wall, there are many photos of you and Mathew from when you were young, to young adults, to adults living together in New York. On this wall tells the story of how you were best friends from a young age to being lovers to finally being married. The wall tells the stories of you and your friends from high school and college, and it tells the story of Mathew’s hockey career. The wall tells the story of your engagement and marriage. All the photos are a piece of who you both are.
“Here’s to many more photos on this wall,” Mathew says.
“And to maybe another wall dedicated to polaroid photos,” you add on getting a smirk from Mathew.
“The more kids we have, the more photos we’re going to have.”
You giggle. “I thought you didn’t want any more kids.”
“We make some really great kids, so maybe.”
“And it's not because you have a breeding kink?” you tease, and Mathew blushes at your words.
“Maybe it’s because you look great pregnant.”
“So, maybe more kids?” you suggest with a smile.
“Maybe more kids,” Mathew confirms with a kiss on your cheek.
Despite the wall being 75% filled, you knew that your best days were still ahead of you. You couldn’t wait for the future photos that will tell the story of yours and Mathew’s lives together.
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Steamy Love (A Tom Hiddleston x Reader) Chapter 30:~Time After Time~ FINALE
Summary: The nights alone have become colder and colder, and not just because of the weather.
Warnings: Angst in the beginning.
Read it on my Wattpad: www.wattpad.com/HiddlesStar
Word count: 2596
Tags: @theoneanna @midnightdragonzero @drakesfiance @kcd15 @ihthr @deviantsendbyreallife @bookgirlunicorn @cherrygeek86 @peachlobotomy666
A/N: This is it. The final chapter. Thank you so much for everyone that has liked, reblogged, or simply read any and every chapter of this fic. It's the first fanfiction I've completed in almost 5 years, but it's the first I've ever made public on Tumblr. It may be a while until I get back into writing completely, as I've decided to ship some of my creative focus towards drawing. I'm not very good at it, but I aspire to improve. Will I show my work at all? Maybe, if there's really a demand for it (though I doubt it lmao). I may post some Oneshots here or there. We'll see.
Until then, thank you for reading.
After you'd return home, Tom would start calling you at least twice a day for the next couple weeks. You didn't have the heart to block his number, but you certainly weren't going to pick up and talk to him. You couldn't believe what had happened at that event. You couldn't believe you allowed it to happen. You were always against public sex, but you couldn't help yourself around him. It's like he had you under a spell that forced you to need him. To desire him.
That's why you needed to stay far away from him. It doesn't matter that he loves you. He hurt you, in ways you can't even explain. In ways you don't want to explain. You just wanted to forget that night. Forget your feelings.
Forget him.
Though even after a month of locking yourself into your work, you still received his calls. You kept hearing about the play he was in and how great he was doing, even though the public had finally found out that you were no longer together. You couldn't help but check up on him and his play. While it hurt to hear his name, you were proud of him. You were proud of all he had already accomplished. You wish you could just talk to him and hear him boast about it. You were so excited to talk to him more about it before the big fight. It ate away at your heart that you couldn't hear him ramble about it. Hear the excited tone in his voice. You didn't want to stay mad at him, especially after the last thing he said to you...
Did he mean it? Did he...love you? Really love you? In truth, you were tired of being angry. You just wanted a chance to talk, but everytime he'd call you, you'd freeze up. You wouldn't, or couldn't answer.
That night, you really couldn't get to sleep, and you couldn't put on a happy smile for a stream. All you could really do is lay in bed with your phone beside you, quietly thinking to yourself.
You heard your phone begin to ring, looking at the Caller ID. You recognized the number. It was Tom.
You felt your heart flutter a little. You've been thinking about him all day, and you had wondered if these calls were ever going to stop. Did you even want them to stop?
Before the ringing would stop, you picked up the phone and answered it, holding it up to your ear. You heard nothing. Not even breathing.
"...Hello?..." You whispered, already feeling your emotions flare up. "...Tom?.."
"...You picked up.." You heard him speak, his tone sounding a little shaky. Had he been crying?
"Y-Yeah, I know..." You smirked slightly, sitting up some. "I-I guess I had to, eventually.."
"You...haven't picked up at all...f-for weeks.." Tom whispered. "I-I've just...been calling to hear your voicemail."
That hit you rather harder than you expected it to, already feeling tears well up in your eyes. You didn't want to get emotional again, but it was hard not to. He sounded sad.
"H...How's the play been?.." You asked, giving a shaky smile.
"Good.." You heard a half laugh from Tom. "I-It's been...fun. I...wish you could see it."
You frowned a little, closing your eyes to let some tears slowly fall down your cheeks.
"...Me too.." You admitted, giving a shaky breath. "I...I'm...tired of being angry. I want to talk.."
Tom let out another sigh, taking a minute to find the right words before speaking up again.
"...I was wrong to get angry at you.." Tom spoke, his voice a little shaky again. "I shouldn't of said the things I said, and I should've let you speak for yourself instead of barging out of that house and leaving you with all that paperwork. I regret it. I regret it all. I regret everything I did to you to make you upset, (Y/N).."
You frowned deeply, the hand holding the phone becoming a little shaky. You believed him, but part of you still hurt. He really did break your heart.
You sniffled somewhat, knowing he heard it. "D-Did you mean it?.." You finally managed to ask, your body shivering a little.
"I didn't mean to make you upset.." Tom spoke, though he was a little confused with what you meant.
"I-I mean...at the show.." You let out a shaky breath. "W-When you said you loved me...did you mean it? Or--Or was is just from the heat of the moment?.."
"...I meant it." Tom admitted, giving a slight sad chuckle. "I absolutely mean it. I love you.."
You couldn't help but smile, your heart fluttering up again. You placed a hand on your chest, feeling your heartbeat increase.
"...I love you too, Tom.." You spoke, holding back a slight sob.
You heard Tom give a shaky chuckle. You could practically see his big smile in your head. You missed that smile dearly. You wished you could see it again.
"S-So.." Tom calmed himself, clearing his throat a bit. "Wh-What now? Will you take me back?"
You smiled a little. "D-Do you think this would work? A long distance sort of thing?.." You asked.
"If I could fly you down here to be with me, I would.." Tom admitted. "But this play has me incredibly busy. I hardly have time to walk Bobby in the morning.."
"And I barely have the assets and time to actually start a moving process.." You frowned slightly. "Moving to another country, as much as I want it, would be ridiculously hard on my own."
You and Tom both went quiet for a moment, both of you really thinking about this. Neither of you had the time to help you get to him, but neither of you wanted to be apart for months. Who knows what else may come up during Tom's play? He could end up being gone until Christmas or something. You wanted to see him.
"I'm sure I'll think of something.." Tom finally spoke, smiling a little. "I promise. I'll find a way to you.."
"Don't start throwing money around to get to me.." You chuckled a bit, making him laugh as well. "As much as I miss you, I can wait for as long as you need me to."
"I'm not sure I can.." Tom admitted, letting out a slight sigh. "I'd love to catch
up with you on everything, but it's nearly 3 in the morning and I need to get some sleep.." Ah, you had forgotten about the Timezone differences. He's all the way up in London now, after all.
"I promised to call you before the play. I promise.."
"Okay.." You smiled warmly. "I-I love you, Tom.."
"And I love you, (Y/N). Truly.." He spoke in a warm tone. It made your chest feel all warm.
"Goodnight."
"Goodnight.."
He hung up first after that.
You set your phone down, feeling your heartbeat once more as a few more tears slipped down your cheeks. You forgave him and admitted that you loved him, but would you really be okay having to wait months and months to see him again? You just wanted to be in his arms again and feel his lips on yours. You were scared of how long you'd potentially have to wait.
Despite that, you were able to get some nice rest. You dreamed of the day you'd get to lay in his arms.
And it would come sooner than you thought.
Another month went by, and you had gotten yourself on to a talk show to talk about your rising fame and upcoming movie. You had never been on one before, so you made sure to doll yourself up a little bit and wear a nice dress. It would be weird going up there on your own, but you had heard and seen from other interviews that the talk show host man was really nice. After fixing yourself up in the mirror, you saw the show start. The talk show host introduced you to the audience before calling you on stage. You smiled brightly as you climbed the stairs and went on stage, seeing all of the people from the audience begin to cheer. All of those people made a permanent bright smile appear on your face. You waved at everyone with a soft chuckle before sitting down on the soft sofa, shaking the show hosts hand as everyone quieted down.
"So nice to have someone new for a change!" The host spoke with a chuckle.
"It feels amazing to be here.." You admitted with a bright smile, crossing your legs.
"So, you've got your first movie coming out, eh? Got yourself quite the co-star, I hear.." They began, leaning forward a bit on their desk. "How was that?"
You chuckled again. People had learned that you and Tom were back together, so you've never stopped hearing about him.
"Yeah. We actually had to live together by that little outdoor set.." You admitted. "I messed up with renting one of the houses, so he let me stay with him."
"And that's how you fell in love, yeah?" The host grinned, being interrupted by the audience clapping for a moment before they'd quiet down. That was so surreal to see.
"I always hear about flings happening between costars on set.." You admitted. "But...my time with him was much more than that. He's treated me better than most, that's for sure."
"You haven't seen him since the beginning of the year, yes?" The host asked. "Has that been hard for you?"
You smiled sadly, placing a hand on your chest some. "It's not impossible, but it's been hard. I'm not upset about it, though. We've both become incredibly busy rather quickly. He's got his play, which I hear is amazing, and I've been streaming practically 7 times a week now that I've had the time again."
"Well, it's good to know you're staying optimistic." The host replied.
"Yeah.." you nodded a bit. "It's been...a little harder these last couple days, though. We call each other multiple days a week."
"Do you have a song you like to listen to?" The host asked, smirking some. "One that reminds you of him?"
You took a moment to really think about that. The question brought you back to the time you and Tom went to the grocery store and Time After Time came on the radio in the car, and when he kissed you in front of everyone in that clothing shop, the same song played. You had downloaded the song on to your phone after that day. You didn't realize how important it was to you until now. Tom even had it on his phone, last time you checked.
"Cyndi Lauper's 'Time After Time', maybe?.." You admitted with a shy chuckle. "It's played a couple times during my days with Tom. I downloaded it after people found out we were together because it was playing in that clothing store when he kissed me."
"Awe, that's sounds perfect.." The host smiled brightly, one of his hands moving under the desk. "You think Tom would give the same answer?" They asked.
"I mean, he's into the older styles of music.." You chuckled, a little confused. "I could call him and ask him later.."
You were too focused on the show host to hear footsteps come upstairs on to the stage, though the surprise was ruined by the sudden erupting screams and applause from the audience.
You turned around just in time for the host to start playing that song over the little speaks around set as you and the man locked eyes.
It was Tom.
You couldn't believe it.
Your eyes immedietly watered as you got up from your seat and ran to Tom, seeing him open out his arms to you. You ran right into his arms, wrapping your arms around his body. You almost didn't believe that this was real. It felt like a dream. How was he here? How did he make time for this?
You pulled back and cupped his face with both hands, already nearly sobbing just from the sight of him.
"Are you actually here!?" You asked with a happy whimper. It warmed your heart to see his big smile. He was emotional, too.
"I managed to find some extra time to get a flight down.." Tom chuckled, though he wasn't able to explain himself fully just yet. Hearing his voice so close to you made you want to just break into happy tears right then and there, so you pulled him into a deep, passionate kiss. You heard the audience go nuts, making you smile in the kiss. Tom pulled you closer to him, keeping the kiss locked until he remembered you were supposed to be doing an interview. He pulled back and gestured to the seats, holding your hand as you both sat down.
You could barely keep your eyes off of Tom for the whole rest of the interview. Afterwards, you'd say goodbye to everyone and leave the building together. You spoke outside once you reached his car.
"I've got another surprise for you.." Tom admitted, giving you a warm smile as he let go of your hand. He moved into his car for a moment and pulled out something before going back to you. He revealed 2 one-way tickets. Tickets to the UK.
"Would you still like to move in with me, my love?.." He asked you, looking into your eyes with his big, blue orbs.
Your eyes widened some and your heart skipped a beat. You placed your hand over your mouth before giving a shaky chuckle. "A-Are you serious?..." You asked, seeing him nod.
"With one phone call to a familiar moving company and a day or two, you can be living with me.." Tom spoke. "All I need is a Y--"
"Yes! Hell yes!" You chuckled happily before wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him into another close hug. Tom flinched before chuckling, hugging you back for a moment before pulling back to give you another deep kiss, inhaling some to take in how soft your lips were. The joy you felt in your heart couldn't be properly described.
You pulled back from the kiss to wipe all the tears that had run down your cheeks, including some of the makeup makeup had on. "I'm gonna end up crying all day.." you joked with a chuckle.
Tom chuckled as well, smirking some. "I could give you other reasons to have tears in your eyes.."
Oh god, you had a feeling he hadn't gotten over this flirtatious phase he's had with you.
Then again...
You chuckled some. "It's been a couple months hasn't it?" You asked, biting yhe corner of your lower lip.
"Mhmm.." Tom purred somewhat "and I've learned some things.."
"Have you, now?.." You tilted your head some, getting a nod from Tom.
"Indeed I have.." Tom grinned. "And there's a certain...doctor who has been dying to meet you."
You knew who he was talking about. You recently rewatched High-Rise.
"Ooh, I guess I shouldn't keep him waiting, then.." You purred back with a little wink, moving around him to get into the passenger side.
Tom snickered some, getting into the drivers side.
You bet there would be quite a bit of steamy love after packing.
#tom Hiddleston#tom hiddleston x reader#tom hiddleston fanfiction#tom Hiddleston x you#fanfiction#wattpad#steamy love
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Jane
Black Magic Woman Part 2. Read Part 1 here!
Fandom: Harry Potter - Marauders Era
Pairing: Young Sirius Black x Reader
Summary: Song fic based on “Jane” by Starship. Confused friends don’t know what feelings are.
Words: 3,662
A/N: The end is a bit rushed… BUT I JUST NEEDED to finish this. Please leave a comment, like, or reblog! Thanks for reading and ily all :) This makes a lot more sense if you read the first part first. I do not own this gif or these characters.
Jane, you say it's all over for you and me, girl
It was a stormy winter morning. You and Lily had arrived at the Gryffindor dining table only minutes earlier.
“Y/N, I swear to Merlin if you say it one more time, I am going to jinx you,” groaned Lily from across you. You were both dressed in your robes for class, and Lily’s cheeks were tinted a lovely rose hue that made her hair look even redder.
“Fine, Lily. I’ll stop saying it. But we both know it’s true,” you smirked at her, and she let out a puff of air.
You were talking about James, of course. Now that you had gotten Lily to see how much he really liked her, you wouldn’t shut up about it. It didn’t help that the boys seemed to be sitting next to you at every meal now.
Speaking of the handsome devils, your eyes glanced up at the sound of people laughing and moving quickly through the entrance to the Great Hall.
Sirius was shoving James, who was laughing heartily. Peter and Remus were tittering along beside them. Remus seemed to be trying to calm the first two.
“Merlin, help me,” said Lily.
You deepened your voice, imitating James, “Oh, Lily, darling. Don’t you look just ravishing this morning-”
She cut you off, throwing a grape at your face, but you were both laughing.
The boys sat down by you soon after. James sitting uncomfortably close to Lily, pressing his broad shoulder into hers. She forced herself to roll her eyes and nudge him away, but she was still blushing.
Sirius sat next to you, giving you space, but friendly. He gave you a smirk as he settled in, one of his signature, award-winning smiles that usually had you swooning.
But you didn’t want to make it too easy for him.
There's a time for love and a time for letting it be, baby
Remus sat next to Sirius, and Peter by James. The four boys looked less tired than they usually did at this period of the month, though Remus was visibly shaken.
“Good morning, love,” said James to Lily, “Hello, Y/N.”
“Hi James,” you replied.
Lily tensed, but managed a “Hi, arsehole.”
James engaged her in flirty conversation, and Sirius turned to you.
“Hi, Y/N. The, er, potion worked brilliantly,” he glanced at Lily, unsure what you had told her, “Thanks again for helping.”
“No problem, Sirius,” you say, “How is Remus?” you ask, quieter. You both glance at the boy, long scars standing out on his unusually pale face.
“He’s been worse… He’s been much, much worse.”
You hum, heart sinking to your stomach for him, “And you?” Your caring eyes meet his, and for a moment, you see a flash of the truth. He was struggling with something. Perhaps Remus’ condition, perhaps something else that was bothering him.
Then, his expression shifted into one of ease, his mask firmly in place.
“I’ve been much worse, as well.”
Across the table, James managed to make Lily laugh at something he’s said. You and Sirius focused your attention elsewhere. Your head was turned away and Sirius watched you talk to Remus, wondering why it made his stomach uneasy.
Jane you're playing a game called, hard to get by its real name
By the end of the day, you were exhausted. It was almost time for Christmas break, which meant that professors were piling on the lessons to keep up with the curriculum.
You made your way to the Gryffindor common room, planning to work on a few assignments before bed.
Sirius and Remus were sitting on the plush sofa nearest the crackling fire. They waved you over.
“Hello, boys. Up late, aren’t we?”
Remus gave you a boyish smile, teeth over his bottom lip like fangs, “Just working on homework, Y/N.”
You sat down on a sofa across from them, setting your bag by your feet and resting your face in your hands. You were vaguely aware of Sirius whispering something to Remus.
“Right. Well, I better get to bed, then. See you two tomorrow,” said Remus, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. You uncovered your face at his words, glancing up. You catch Remus winking at Sirius, just enough of Sirius and Remus’s secret conversation to clue you in.
You watched Remus leave. Then, turned back to Sirius, who you were not expecting to have shifted closer to you. He caught you off guard, grey eyes sparkling with mischief.
“Want to come sit by me?” his lips quirked into a smile and you had to take a second to compose yourself.
“I’m good here, thanks,” you replied, gathering a few books onto your lap.
Sirius huffed in response, you see his face form an elegant pout from the corner of your eye. You were playing with him, not letting him get what he wanted without a little effort.
You both worked in silence together for a few minutes, then, “What are you working on?”
Looking up, you responded, “Transfiguration.”
A few more minutes passed. “Y/N, I was going to, uh, ask you-”
“No, I’m not letting you copy my homework, Black. It’s the end of the term, you should be doing it yourself!”
His eyebrows raised and his mouth stretched in an expression between amusement and offense, “I wasn’t going to ask that.”
You looked up at him once again, “Oh. What were you going to ask?”
Sirius thought his next words through carefully. Your skin glowed by the firelight and the picture made his heart feel something weird. If he asked you what he really wanted to ask you, it could ruin something. No, no, he had to wait a little. But, the way you had looked at him. And the way he looked at you back…
“I… I was going to ask if you thought James had a real shot with Lily.”
Your face fell, a shift barely noticeable if Sirius hadn’t been watching closely. Not because he was creepy or anything. Just because he was talking to you. Obviously.
But you pulled your face into a smirk and said, “I guess we’ll have to wait and find out.”
Making believe that you just don't feel the same
Oh Jane
Sirius was bored. He had been sitting at the same spot in the library for hours now. James and Remus had left a while ago, their school work finished much faster than Sirius’.
He lifted his gaze from the parchment in front of him, searching for something else worthy of his time.
You were seated at a table a few feet away, quill furiously scratching against a long piece of parchment. Your hair was draped messily on your shoulders and you had a frazzled look about you.
Sirius couldn’t help but smile at the sight. The more he looked at you, the more he found himself smiling. You were pretty, he had no doubt. But you were so studious, so kind, so hard-working. He preferred… looser arrangements, and you were not the kind of girl to be in a loose arrangement. You weren’t his type and Sirius knew he wasn’t yours.
So, instead Sirius turned his attention towards a table of 4thyear Gryffindor girls. He managed to get the attention of one of them, and they soon began giggling amongst themselves, looking back and forth between their parchments and him.
He gathered his things, and started towards the girls, a lazy smile on his handsome face.
Jane, you're playing a game you never can win, girl
A week later, Sirius was feeling a bit hopeless. After you had almost kissed him, twice in a row might he add, he had been confused. Then, he had been intrigued. But now… hopeless.
He had tried flirting with you. It just wasn’t working. For some reason, every time he thought of a clever one-liner or a witty comment, images of you coming closer and closer to him in either the Astronomy Tower or Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom flooded his brain. It made him feel weird and scratchy and sweaty. You were throwing him off.
Sirius was way off his game.
He couldn’t even flirt with other girlswithout thinking about you for Merlin’s sake! He was getting absolutely no love. And you were the cause of it.
He just didn’t understand why, he didn’t understand the way he had been feeling when you were around.
Sirius decided he needed to talk to Remus. Remus would know what to do.
You're staying away so I'll ask you where you've been, baby
You, on the other hand, were trying to stay away from Sirius. You had watched him grow bored of you and drift away once before, intentional or not, and it had broken your heart. You had no intention of letting him get tired of you again.
You saw him at meals, him sitting agonizingly close to you. He always made conversation, and sometimes you wondered if he was trying to flirt with you, but then he would clear his throat and look away or start eating his food fast to avoid talking.
It was confusing. And you were starting to think that you maybe had a teeny-tiny crush on him, to make it worse.
You were still brewing Wolfsbane for Remus, and you were determined to make it much better the second time around.
On the Thursday before the next full moon, you were in Myrtle’s bathroom, busying yourself with potions so you didn’t have to think about Sirius. Unfortunately for you, Myrtle noticed the strange way you refused to stop working for even a second.
“Y/N?” Myrtle squeaked, “What’s wrong with you? Did you decide you hate me like all the other kids so now you’re not going to talk to me anymore and oh, I always knew you would-”
“Myrtle, calm down. It has nothing to do with you,” you reassured. You wanted to talk your feelings out with someone, and you had been planning on waiting to talk with Lily, but Myrtle was so convenient. She could be trusted, right? Probably. “It has to do with… Sirius.”
Myrtle gasped. “A boy? Oh please tell me, Y/N! No one ever tells me about boys, they only come in here to cry or get away from teachers or fight trolls or.. you know. Tell me!”
You winced at her high pitched tone but resigned, “Okay, fine, Myrtle. But you can’t tell anyone. Ever. I mean it. Or I won’t come visit anymore… and I’ll curse you.”
Myrtle nodded.
“Well… you see, he’s beautiful, obviously. I mean, you can still see. It’s ridiculous, right? No wonder every bloody witch at this school is in love with him. And he’s a complete arsehole sometimes. That does things for some girls, I guess. But not usually for me. Except… I know that he has layers and that deep, deep, deeeep down he’s a sweetheart who masks his own internal problems with external arsehole-ness…”
You continued your rant for about ten minutes. Myrtle listened intently, humming and agreeing in the right places. Poor lonely ghost.
But neither of you noticed the shaggy haired boy come to the bathroom door himself, hearing you mention his name and eavesdropping shamelessly from the other side of the door.
His smile grew as he realized that all of your pent-up emotions meant that you liked him. He wasyour type, after all.
Like a cat and a mouse
From door to door and house to house
A few nights later, you and Lily stayed up in the common room, anxiously awaiting the return of your friends.
James had finally told Lily about their monthly adventures, so now you at least had someone to sit up with, waiting for them to return safely and help heal their injuries as to not attract suspicion from professors.
Lily kept dozing off, but you were too lost in your thoughts to sleep. Sirius had acted especially awkward the past two days, and you wondered if you two were growing apart again. The thought made you sad, but you couldn’t do anything about it if he decided you weren’t worth his time again.
Don't you pretend you don't know what I'm talking about
A few hours after, you had joined Lily in her slumber, and the boys limped into the Gryffindor common room to find their supposed caretakers cuddled next to each other, shivering in the chilly night time air. Luckily, none of them had any injuries that they hadn’t managed to heal themselves already.
James laughed quietly, “Aweee, they’re sleeping. And they care about us!”
Sirius smiled at the sight of you with your eyelids fluttering and the emotion wiped from your face in you sleep.
“Maybe this means Lily wants me to ask her out.”
Suddenly, you were being lifted by a pair of tender, gentle, but strong arms. Sirius carried you to your room, and James carried Lily.
Halfway up the stairs, both you and Lily woke enough to have the sense to walk yourselves. Lily jumped from James’ arms, almost falling down the stairs. She stammered and blushed, made sure he was okay, and bid him goodnight before heading to bed.
You awoke enough to realize who was carrying you and tighten your arms around his neck, desperately clutching to him and hoping he didn’t leave.
Sirius pretended he hadn’t seen your eyes open for a split second before you did so.
When you got to your dorm, Sirius laid you down on your bed and sat by you. You were awake enough now to acknowledge Sirius’ presence, but sleepy enough to be bold.
“Erm- Thanks for waiting up for me, I mean, for us. It means quite a lot,” said Sirius.
His words were met with silence as you snuggled yourself into your bed and under the covers. In the soft moonlight, his features were filled with nerves and you finally understood why he had been acting so oddly the past few days.
Sirius was about to leave when you grabbed his hand.
Your eyes met. You were half asleep and he was exhausted, but you both could have sworn that the other was glowing. You were too tired to care about the consequences your next words would have on your beloved friendship with Sirius.
“Stay.”
And so he did.
Were all those nights we spent together, hey hey
Only because you didn't know better
I gotta know
The next morning, you woke up to sunlight streaming in through the frosty windows. You were surprised at how hot you were. Usually, you didn’t get too warm at night. It was like you were sleeping with a space heater or something. Or a dog.
A dog.
Your eyes shot open and you remembered, embarrassedly, the sleep soaked events of the night before. Sirius was laying peacefully beside you, his arm wrapped around you and his eyes shut tightly.
Oh, Merlin. What had you gotten yourself into?
Instead of staying and dealing with the awkwardness of waking up next to a boy that you were kind of in love with, you decided to leave. So, you dressed in your robes and hoped that Sirius would have the sense to leave the room discreetly before leaving for the Dining Hall as fast as you could.
It was earlier than you had ever woken up before, there were only a few other students in the dining hall when you got there. You sat by yourself at the Gryffindor table and prepared for humiliation.
Not long after, someone sat beside you.
It was Remus.
His hair was extra messy, and he had dark bags hanging from his usually bright eyes. There were a few new scratches on him, but nothing that would scar.
“Hey, Rem. How are you feeling?”
“Awful, but no worse than usual. The Wolfsbane really helps. Why are you up so early?” he asked, but there was a knowing look on his face as he awaited your response.
“Erm… Our dorm was, well, just quite warm this morning and it woke me up.”
“Yeah, Sirius gets warm in his sleep. It’s woken me up before, as well. No worries,” he said with a small smirk spreading across his tired face.
You choked on your tea a bit. His words planted so many questions in your brain, but you settled with, “How did you know?”
He shrugged, “Had a feeling and you just confirmed it.”
You groaned, “What are the chances you tell no one and all parties involved pretend this never happened?”
Remus made a face, his scars scrunching together in thought as his expression changed, “I’m not sure that’s the best-”
“No, really. I just got my friendship with Sirius back. The last thing I need to do is ruin it by making it awkward or something. Please, just… don’t mention it.”
He studied you for a few seconds, thick brows furrowed.
“You really fancy him, don’t you?”
You choked on your tea again.
You were trying to think of a response when you heard him mumble something under his breath.
“What was that, Rem?”
“Oh nothing. Just, erm, you should tell him how you feel. I certainly couldn’t tell him, because you’ve sworn me to secrecy. And he’s sworn me to secrecy as well, so. Just tell him.”
You were staring at him, trying to process what he’d just said, when the rest of the boys dragged themselves into the room. You made eye contact with the exhausted but unreasonably gorgeous Sirius and made another easy decision.
You stacked your plates quickly, “Okay. I’m, uh, done with breakfast. See you later Remus!”
“Y/N, wait! I really think-”
“Good morning, Y/N, darling. What’s the rush? You’re just going to eat with Remus and then leave him like that? Jeez, must be your trademark,” said James as you walked by.
There was laughter in his eyes, and you knew he meant nothing by it. But his words meant that Sirius had already told his friends about last night. You were filled with a sudden, intense wave of embarrassment and anger towards the situation. Heat rose to your cheeks as you tried to think of a response. But the boys were holding in laughter and you couldn’t deal with it anymore.
So, of course, you ran.
Jane you're playing a game, you're playing a game, playing a game
Oh Jane, you're playing a game of hide and go seek
You finally stopped running when you got to Myrtle’s bathroom.
You were crying at this point, hot tears streaming down your face. There were so many emotions running through you, and their combined product was overwhelmed tears. You slumped to the ground and put your head in between your knees.
You were vaguely aware of Myrtle yelling something at you about being just another person crying in her bathroom.
Her words made you cry even louder, your emotional release bringing only a bit of satisfaction.
Not long after you’d finally started calming down, the bathroom door had tentatively opened to reveal the object of your torment. You didn’t notice, too focused on relaxing your breathing and drying your eyes.
But, Sirius came over to you and laid a careful hand on your shoulder. You looked up, surprise flooding your features when you met his eyes. There was regret on his features, brows pinched gracefully in the center and eyes running intently over your face.
“I’m sorry.”
You wiped your fingers under your lashes, ashamed at the tears still streaming from your eyes.
“There’s nothing to be sorry for, Sirius.”
“Yes, there is. I told my idiotic friends about last night and they embarrassed you. And now you’re… sad.”
His words hung in the air as you tried harder to compose yourself.
“Look, Y/N. I’ve been… meaning to talk to you. I guess now is as good a time as any. I, actually, I think I like you. Well, that’s what Remus says my feelings mean, anyway. And I was thinking about it… I think he’s right. And last night felt right to me, somehow… I don’t know does that make any sense at all?”
As you watched him try to tell you how he felt, you felt a mixture of disbelief and confidence join the emotions coursing through you.
Then, he was looking at you again, and you were looking into his eyes and then at his lips. One of which was tucked neatly under his top row of teeth. You unconsciously leaned closer to him, smelling his woodsy scent.
His smooth lips curved into a little smirk.
“Are you going to kiss me, L/N?”
You smiled back.
“What if I was, Black?”
“Well, I’d let you, of course.”
With that, you both moved closer, closing the gap and crashing your lips together awkwardly, a little too enthusiastic to be gentle. You both shifted to make it more comfortable, and soon enough you were both smiling against each other’s swollen lips.
Jane, you're playing for fun but I play for keeps, yes I do
That's a game on me, yeah
Sirius was the first to pull away.
“Wait. I don’t want this to be a one-time thing. You’re not a one-time thing. You’re my friend, you’re… well you can be my girlfriend if you-”
“I like you too, arsehole. I’d be honored to be the girl who finally tied down Sirius Black.”
The second time you kissed Sirius, your lips met with a tenderness that you hadn’t felt before. It made your heart swell and cheeks heat. You tangled a hand in his hair and tugged just enough, getting the upper hand. When he opened his mouth in surprise, you leaned in and grabbed a hold of his lower lip with your teeth and bit down.
He pulled away, his expression one of mild arousal and surprise.
“Ow.”
Jane, Jane, Jane
So plain to see
Why you fooling with me, me, me
---
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